For the girl who never gave up on me, no matter how hopeless it seemed

The first day I met you I knew it was trouble. You attempted to introduce yourself while laughing as I gave you random stares wondering to myself is this what’s she’s really like ? Because if it is can I keep her. I don’t know what came out of both of us it was more a comfortable laugh and a moment of realisation that you made me laugh without even saying anything. This wasn’t a common thing so I guess we could say first impressions were good.

My memory is crap I know. There is so many memories and moments I would love to relive with you but please know when you say these events to me saying “Katie you were there ?” and I look at you blankly I feel every word of it. My mind shuts off unknownst to myself but my heart will never not love you.

You were and still are everything a best friend could be. The times in school I would ask to go to the toilet and you would follow me out only to find me in floods of tears in the bathroom. You’d wipe my tears , fix my forever running mascara and then you’d put your hands on your hip and look at me with my favourite expression and say  “what am I ever going to do with you?” At this stage we’d both be in stitches. We’d compose ourselves and try figure out how we could get away with arriving back in class one after another while trying to dodge another lunchtime detention.

You never left my side. If I wasn’t in school you wouldn’t be in school and vice versa. Never once would I have to face those long school weeks alone. Seeing your sleepy face in the morning made the scary sleepless nights bearable. 

I let my guard down to a few people. Maybe a few too many or maybe not enough. Some were foolish mistakes made in the midst of turmoil and some were moments gladly shared in the company of the most amazing people. Tea time became our regular 4 o clock in the morning sleepover routine. Ciara I think you may have even sat with a cup of tea in your hands just to join in. You were the only one who didn’t drink tea but funnily enough looking back now all I can remember is the five cups of tea. Hey if that’s not friendship goals, I don’t know what is. 

I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone who I can sit with in the middle of the Burren eating a jar of peanut butter with plastic spoons like me and you did.

When I was in England I was afraid to answer your calls. I avoided them at all costs. I was terrified of the question “When will you be home?”. I didn’t want to let you down. I couldn’t lie to you but I also knew I couldn’t shatter your hopes. I never saw myself leaving the confines of them four walls and if I was to leave I felt like it wouldn’t last. I wouldn’t last. So I pushed you away. In the all the time spent abroad I had only talked to you three times.. The thing was though you never once asked the question I dreaded. You didn’t need to ask. You already knew. One day I would be home and that was enough for you. 

I returned home on the 8th of July 2015. You accompanied me to my dads wedding on the 9th. In the years spent away I had only seen you a handful of times. The girl teachers used to joke about being joined to my hip. And I to hers. When I saw you it was like time hadn’t moved and this was just our normal day to day antics. You were still blonde and I was still nuts. 

The intuition between us is far too unexplainable to dwell on for too long. You don’t have to look at me to know sometimes wrong. You feel it, even if we’re miles apart. I pretty much know what has happened since the last time we spoke by your different hellos. I could be ringing you on your phone while at the same time your trying to get through to me on carols phone. You spent more time with my sister for her confirmation then I did with her not that I mind, I just think it’s really cute. 

We fight and I do want to kill you most of the times when we’re on a night out but that’s okay because you usually want to kill me the following morning. Or make me a mute button atleast. Instead we look at each other and burst out laughing and it’s all forgotten. It’s about getting the happy balance. 

I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again your one of a kind. 

I’m so happy I met you. Moving to tulla was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and that’s not due to the reason of having such a fabulous education or because the village is so cool . As much as these are high contending factors to consider its because I met you. You’ve changed my life and thought me the meaning of the word trust. 

Many a time I have spent long hours questioning everything. The past, the uncertain present and why all the hurt and pain? I wondered to myself what was it all for. The €1million the hse spent on trying to keep me in England or maybe even the fact at sixteen I was transferred out of the country by military helicopter. All this effort and time. All this drama and detentions. Why did it have to happen ? What was the greater purpose of it all. If the highs and lows of the last five years means that I’m alive and I can still hug my best friend that’s enough for me. 

This letter isn’t even a patch on what you mean to me but atleast when your feeling down or if your ever hopeless and I’m not there to put my hands on my hips and say “What am I going to do with you missus?” . Well you can read this and know how beautiful a person you really are from our perspective. 

You never left my side and you can be damn sure I’ll never leave yours. 

Love you Hoey . 

Always. 

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